12/7

This morning, I woke up to tears on my face due to a bad dream, one that I cannot piece together because it was very weird…I don’t know, it involved a Snorlax, I think, but in an oddly dark, sad way… Waking up to that dream… It was a lonely feeling.

Not because I was afraid, but because my heart felt empty, and my body was too heavy to move, so I stayed motionless and let the loneliness sink in…

That sounded depressing. But in many ways, I’ve been secretly depressed and melancholic recently…-____________- not psychologically depressed because I’m conscious of the part of my heart that’s sad and try to suppress it. I remind myself I need to be grateful and cherish what I have. I do cherish it all. Perhaps it’s like what the Pastor said, we are all born with longing and unexplainable nostalgia toward certain perfection. I’ve questioned myself numerous times, what’s really my goal in life? How can I retain happiness? When I’ve tried everything to reach my goals and meet my self-set expectations in life, when I have met them and all is good, what comes next? It is times like this when I realize life is really just a momentary journey, and what’s beyond is eternal and perfect.

Meanwhile…we continue our strive for good and try to be the best-selves.